his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
