Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
