I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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