I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
