i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
