Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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