hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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