I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
