brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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