Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
