So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
