Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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