Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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