dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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