I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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