Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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