i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
