So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
