Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
