When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
