Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
