sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
