dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
