are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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