Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
