What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
