I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
