did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
