dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
