he wants to bone in the snuggie
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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