i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
