It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
