if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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