i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if only i could text you this smell
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am one with the molecules
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
