no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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