Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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