Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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