i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
