Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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