he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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