You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
