the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
