So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
