why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
