Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
