saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
