Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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