I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
