my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
