why didn't you poke me back
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
