If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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