I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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