Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
