Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
