i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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