So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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