bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I touched a dick in church today
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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