You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
