he told me I talked like a deaf person
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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