Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize