The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
