You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
