i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
