My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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