I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
