How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
