Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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