She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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