Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
