i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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