I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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