so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sarcasm needs its own font
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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