All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
