I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
