at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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