My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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