I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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