She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
