You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize